Les preparations

Packing list

10 pairs of shoes (all essential, of course)
Ice axe and crampons
Cadbury's chocolate
Salt and vinegar crisps
Whittards hot chocolate
Laptop
Slipper socks
Emergency loo roll
Ascent of Rum Doodle
Beano

All set to go, Dad and I loaded poor little Felicia (my mum's Skoda) with all my baggage. Delighted to find a spare square centimetre, I packed mountain biking stuff, and we arranged 2 bikes very prettily on the back of the car, with the apparent aim of doubling our width and wind resistance. Wonderful.


The night before the morning after
"Bugger: where's my passport? ...Tit: Can't find my keys ...Wank: Did I phone the accommodation man to say when I'd be arriving? ...Crap: do I need a duvet or not? ..Arse: packed all my underwear and deodorant ...Bollocks: I can't remember the word for 'deodorant' ...SHIT I can't speak French and I'm going to live in France!!"

Needless to say, with all the arse-related swearing, the planned 8:30 bedtime didn't happen. Dad managed to at least be in his room by then, but got up an hour later for a postponed Mega Faff. We were chivvied back to bed, where I had disturbing dreams of snails, frogs and flat land.