We (Beth and I) rocked up in Grenoble, expecting to meet another 40 or so English people from the area. The tram was full of a surprising number of foreign voices: Spanish, Italian, German...The 40 English students turned out to be around 300 future assistants, coming from places as far spread as Alaska, Trinidad and Jamaica. So much for a Heinz Beans and Marmite convention with like-minded Anglophiles!
After an utterly terrifying 3 hour lecture on insurance and legalities, we were herded into 5 coaches and driven to a remote mountain village.
Literary Garage we passed en route.
Highlights of our training included the Alphabet rap, animal bingo and a 50-year-old, leather-clad dominatrix/teacher singing The Beatles to a bemused and terrified audience. I think the German bloke near me liked it.
Highlights of the stage
1. Our nightly expeditions to the one bar in the village, which is in fact on the road back to Grenoble. The few mulleted locals looked rather surprised as double the population of the village poured into the tiny bar. Good times.
2. Every day we had two four-course meals of varying wholesomeness and taste. One night, on being presented with a second tray of chocolate eclairs for pudding, an American assistante was so pleased and surprised that she yelled "SHUT UP!!!" at the offended waiter. (NB: Apparently, this translates as 'Wow, what a surprise!'.) Needless to say, we didn't get any more. Luckily, the American was an expert at smuggling eclairs back into our dorm. We felt about 10 years old again!
3. We stayed in single-sex dorms of 6. One night I got up to go to the toilet. In the meantime, the others had worked themselves into a state of paranoid hysteria, convinced that a French man had just climbed out from Beth's bed in an attempt to attack everone.
So there I am, pottering back along the corridor in a semi-asleep state. I stop outside our door. Is it the right room? Can't see a bloody thing. Fumble for my torch.
The others hear murderous footsteps approaching, a knife being drawn and a victim-seeking light flickering ominously outside.
Luckily my true identity is revealed before either side attacks. I gain a new respect for my image of authority in pyjamas....
The suspected murder site...
Lessons learnt
"French children do not want to learn English."
"The teachers probably won't want to talk to you much, and may well ignore you."
"Try to remember how you treated your assistants at school"
Oh bollocks.
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