It all starts out fantastically (a steep, slippery slog aside): grapes, rotisserie chicken, local cheese, baguette, sun, impromptu bouldering and gorgeous views.
It all goes wrong when Matt starts telling the gruffalo story...
Matt (in his best primary school teacher voice): "I'm going to eat you up little Beth", said the rather angry gruffalo. "Nooooo" screamed little Beth! "Eat Felicity, for she is far tastier!"
Er, guys, are we definitely on the right path? We seem to be heading downhill. I always thought the top of a mountain was rather more in the uphill direction...
Right, it says on our utterly reliable web printout that we're supposed to be on a well-marked path.
I saw a sign maybe half an hour ago. Or maybe it was just a bit of moss...
Well we've already been behind us. And in front of us is downhill. The big snowy mountains are on our right, so we're heading in the right direction. Maybe we should just scramble up the cliffs to the left and we'll find ourselves on the summit ridge.
Sure, what could go wrong?
20 minutes of bimbling later:
Hmm...who would have thought the top would be so hard to find?!
Er...does anyone have a plaster? I appear to be bleeding.
I reckon if we just head in this, no that, no, er...some direction, then we'll find...something.
What times does it get dark again?
10 minutes later:
Ooh look at that mountain over there!
Hang on, that's higher than us. Aren't we meant to be on the highest mountain around?
That must be our summit then - we just need to walk forward for maybe an hour and we'll be there. Awesome!
5 minutes later:
Ah.
Oh.
Arse.
That's quite a big drop between us and the right bit of the mountain.
Yep.
So I guess the mountain's a U shape and we've managed to traverse too far round the U.
Seems so.
Poo!
Well, we're kind of on the summit plateau. I vote we go down or we won't make it down before it gets dark.
Okay, which way?
Er...
10 minutes later
Okay guys, I think I've found a bit of cliff we can scramble down easily! I'll go down first and see if it's do-able. You all know the emergency number, right?....Yep, it's fine...safely down!....That's it Beth, foot a bit lower, great....Matt, it's just a bit to your left, okay?....Excellent, we're definitely on the right path now. That was all a bit of an advent- FUUUUUCK-ING HELL MATT!!
Matt had found the whole thing so relaxing that he sort of forgot to hold on and is now plummeting down the scramble, his body strangely horizontal, limbs flailing around Matrix style.
What if he cracks his head open?! Where's the helicopter going to land? Does he have the grapes in his bag still? Really shouldn't be worrying about grapes right now. Oh shit, I really shouldn't be swearing so much. Oh gosh, he's still falling. It's only a couple of metres - why is he taking so long?! Ouch, he just bounced out of a tree. Okay, now he's about to land...Oh, he's about to land! BEEEETH!! CATCH HIM!!
Beth and I stare at each other for a second, then she lunges forward and stops Matt rolling all the way down the hill. We make a huge girly fuss over him, but miraculously most injury has been avoided thanks to the emergency sleeping bag in his rucksack. We all stare up at the rockface, incredulous that those few metres could host such a drawn-out plummet.
We return chez nous with new respect for the mountain and a little less respect for ourselves...
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